Just let me know...

Something i came across in one of my old journals ( July 2003)....one of my earlier attempts in so called creative writing!!! thought an electronical/modified version of it could be of some value to me:

Yes Sure... Maybe sometime later?
Now tell me...does later mean somehow never??
or maybe is it your way of trying to be clever...
Tell me, is it in other words, time for you to be gone?
and maybe time for me to know that it is over and done...

Before you never see me fall apart and before I won't take anymore of this pain at heart...
and as i refuse to get caught up any longer in the this web of emotion...
Maybe you could just help me get a hold of this strange notion?

If you can't tell me what you want, then why not just let me know.....
Why did you decide to fail the test before you even take part??
Why am i punished for someone else's crime?
Or maybe is it that you didn't have enough time??

Could you be in so much hurt, in so much pain..
Could you possibly need a bit more time to regain what you could have lost deep inside...

If you only let me know...
For i am prepared to wait.. and no, neither of us would need to blame our loss on fate...
You know it is very possible for us to make our own...if only you are truly prepared to share and hold on ...
All you need to do is let me know... and i promise to love you, cherish you, and always care.

All I maybe need for now is just to know..
If i ever cross your thoughts..
If my name was even ever brought...

If you can no longer bear the pain...
and maybe if you ever want me to take the next plane...

If whatever we had is still there..
or has it simply became something to spare....

If you still remember how i smell..
or if at anytime you decide to move away from your shell..

You do also need to let me know ...
If to you, i am just a friend...
or is it worth sticking around till the end??

If you could ever be thinking of me right now...
or if you ever wonder if you could be with me somehow....

For all i care, you can even let me know...
If to you, it was just another game??
or maybe something for you to be of shame...

I can't help but reach to the conclusion that you are unsure of what you want me to know...
However, i'm in no doubt that you can just at least let me know...
Is it time for you to be gone?
or clearly about time for me to move on.....???

A clear addiction

Just got to new york, haven't even checked in yet....I feel like i've been traveling for the past 48 hrs... or maybe i have!!?
Oh well reflective moments dont know when it is right to hit... so allow me to share a few experimental thoughts i had on the plane;

May i convey that:
I could be addicted to anguish and pain..
I could be addicted to earning a lesson through sorrow...
I could be addicted to attracting the "can't haves"...
I could be addicted to you.

I could be addicted to the feel of remorse..
I could be addicted to the need for forgiveness...
I could be addicted to a place i once knew...
I could be addicted to you....

I could be addicted to a forbidden thought...
I could be addicted to a challenge once shot..
i could be addicted to a dream never fought...
I could be addicted to you...

I could be addicted to a burning tear...
I could be addicted to a defying fear...
I could be addicted to letting go...
I could simply be addicted to you...

No grand conclusions here, except that i could well be unforeseeably and unreachably really addicted to you....

A soft comeback...

Its been over a year now since i last posted my thoughts....
We seem to be so vigilant over time yet everyone of us seem to be running in a stampede...
i choose for this past year to be on mute...i figured silence is what i need...
I can see and hear some banging... whispering gestures behind the glass...wisely ignored and instead i choose to focus on what may seem delusional. I figured the act of deluding is what i need...

A year older in age....a false notion that insinuates nothing but another year of learnings, another year of earnings, another year of gained wisdom!

Never a Dead-end!

Mai © Cornwall, 2006

First post of the year..
Is there need to declare which resolution?
To myself, that I will keep!
Though I know something for sure,
I know that,
I will never look back,
I will never regret,
Lessons are carried and learned... but who is there to tell me what I have learnt!
You can feel disappointed, if it gives you ease!
For all I know I haven't once TRULY let you down ..but who is there to count what you see!
Need not to disassociate from my ties...but from now on, that will only be my shout!
To whoever contributed to my offence,
You are at no fault...
It’s never a dead-end... but you know what? It’s definitely Crossroads till the end.

The Games of your Life!

Mai © Doha, 2006

Boy.. i haven't blogged for over a month now...so bare with me if my writing got a bit rusty! It's been so hectic lately, a lot has been happening, yet all i can remember are my trips going to and back from work....!!!
I've started volunteering for the Doha Asian Games since mid last month, well ok..maybe putting me down as temporary paid staff is not exactly noble but hey i might as well frame their pay cheque & have it hung on the wall as a souvenir instead!
Truly though, its been a fulfilling experience, and to be honest just being a part of it was enough to make it worthwhile ..
Though my 12 hour shifts were getting to me ( still in recovery), and having a 7 day working week was an insane loop, but i guess it was all made up for by at least;
making new friends (australian/ greeks),
meeting new people (australian/ greeks),
working with interesting backgrounds ( aussies/greeks), lol
networking ;-),
walk in service into any match in the venue,
bumping into athletes...literally arrrrh ;-)

im truly gonna miss;
The crazy Egyptian crackheads ( love u guys ;-p) that got us on the floor every morning..
Our useless morning work/coffee meetings...
Bugging out our competition manager about how we need to sit with everyone to define roles, avoid duplicated work, and flipping try and work as one civilized team just for the last week at least...
The uncivilized, unplanned social gatherings we had in the corridors...
The tasteless al-dana lunches, or its even worse replacements at beniggins....
The morning goodies we got everyday at check ins....
Abusing the facilities after hours..
INspesction times...
The Silly tetra jokes while chasing one another on the radio...

Leaving jokes aside though, the games were a positive proof...not to mention how they were wrapped up beautifully during the closing ceremony and topped up with our victory in football..... Overall, we did a good job, Qatar did a good job...Well done and hats off, our country has come a long way its hard not to feel so proud!

Thank you God

Thank you Allah...Thank you for giving me the Ability to:

Think, Create & Imagine.
Challenge, Reach & Deliver.
Doubt, Trust & Conquer.
Sense, Experience & Endure.
Rebel, Escape & Ignore.
Love, Hate & Adore.
Relate, Accept & Surrender.
Forget, Forgive & Remember.


Thank you God for giving me the ability to Thank you!

Ze Land of Ze Dodo!

Eid in Mauritius was one interesting experience; besides being out of touch with my loved ones over some strange chokes my phone was having :-(, the rest of it was definitely worthwhile . Just got back last night and hated the fact that i had to be up and running from 6 am this morning. I think amongst the other highlights of this trip was definitely the start note and end note of "shopping till dropping" during our Dubai half day stops. These pics, however, might help put the rest of it into some slight perspective ;

1

2

3 4
5

6

Mai © Mauritius, 2006

1. Accompanied by the dramatic, swinging hand gestures, the accent, the edgy fringe, the high pitched (everyone on the bus wake the hell up) kinda voice and the widest grin: "Welcome to Ze laaAAnd of Ze DodooOo, IT IS ze land of ze dodo... Ze Dead Dodo"
2. With a french hint:"And ofcourse finally, don't forget that mauritius is an island...So,You might find some visito'3s in your '3oom, we call zem Ghekos, or as you people would like to call zem Liza'3ds, Just dial numbe'3 4 and someone will come to take zem away!!!...Past the first night: "you mean someone with a long stick will crack the ceiling, add to the problem and literally take their lives away?!"
3. "What gear number are we on....WHAT gear number are we ON?..OH CRAP" ( a map flying all about, restricted windshield view, the wrong hand on the gear shift , a slipper caught up between the clutch and the break pedal, an abrupt mosquito bite itch,hands waving at eachother...a perfect view for the perverted, over-loaded, slow bus on the lefthand side!!!)
4. Trying to cool off in the ocean: "How did you find this beautiful coral? i was stepping on it."
5. Bullshit or full of Blue shit? we'll never know..
6. Well, Ha-excuse me, Im trying to create me own drink here and have it named after me....so do you mind?

Mai © Mauritius, 2006

Well done :-)

My Life has been so empty without you..:-(
Congradulations on starting your Masters though,You dont know how proud i am of you, keep up the hard work babe :-)

Skyscrapers!

Mai © Doha, 2006

Believe it or not the building on the far left (Kamco), once used to be the tallest building in Qatar!!!!!

Gimme that juice i said!

The little ones hung out this weekend, it was a true bliss.

Watch out for the next generation, People...

7aram!!!

Photography:anonymous

The Open Plan Family/Living Room!

Miami, 2006

Hmmm?!!?

Tall, Skinny, half shot, extra hot, double foam, Gingerbread Latte Pleeeease!

Hang on..

Mai © Cornwall, 2006

Much to say..

late or early maybe...
bright yet cold..
morning call for prayers...
starting point is unknown...
new day... new hope..
what happens to the old..
glad you somehow made it...
my story is still to be told...

GLOW...

Mai © Doha, 2006

Good Luck Lil sis...

Its my little sister ( yes lil :-)) second week at Uni, almost 3rd now...
going to school at UCL will surely be an experience....Gosh it feels like yesterday when i was waiting in that long line to register for classes...or for what i felt at the time was my first chapter into the real world... and it was...
i cant forget the mounting feeling of hope, excitement, ambitions and dreams....
The nights when i couldnt sleep, visualizing my future while noting down short/long term plans..
The feeling that u are about to change the world...that what u are about to recieve is all u'll need to be equiped for life... the truth is...the reality of this is yours!

Hamdo, I've been meaning to post you a good luck note the first day you started, hope this will still find its place...

A few tips for you sis;

• First year is for mess up...lol easy now.. the truth is, its meant to be a combination of fun hard work and mabye if u really really really had to a bit of the unavoidable slacking.. so in other words, if need to get some things out of your system, the tme is now.....just be smart and dont forget its also the time where u create first impressions and get to prove who you really are...
• Student Unions, waste of time...dont get dragged, pick when to join and who to chill with...
• Potential good freinds, will spot u...thats if u didnt spot them first ;-) they say the best friends you make are those u meet at uni...enjoy :-)
• Get involved...besides your own gain, and this may sound geeky but the faculty will appreciate an active member..and a recognizable face will come in handy one day.. trust me ;-)
• Treasure the simplicity of being a student, nothing replaces a " one day.. we were completley broke..." story..
• Believe you me ;-), Your time in the library will pay off...even if u were a tiny bit distracted by some cuteness sitting across...even more of a reason to go ..jks seriously u'll only realize later on how much u've produced in these library sessions...
• Try and create your own study group where u can....side tracked debates, all nighters, sneaked in pizza, horrible coffee, 2 days unshowered, rammed printers, brainstorming on deadline extension excuses... they are fun!
• Dont take time for granted, allow for a bit of spontaneity (not madness ;-) every now and then ..... but remember the min that passes u by is counted and if it wasnt put to use ( according to your perception) then dont look back, stop the misuse now and make the most of whats left...while you are at it capture every moment you can in any way can...
• Every morning when u walk out of the door just remember to take with you your common sense, confidence, humor and yourself.
• Essentially, you are only gonna carry two things out of Uni with you; the memories and the transferable skills... so enjoy getting the experience and creating your moments at the right time with the right people...

-----------------Bare

Mai © Doha, 2006